I Don't Need MuchI don't need much
But to know that You love me
I don't need a lot of money
Or pretty, shiny things.
If I'm sure of Your love
That You'll always care for me
Then I'm happy and at peace
With the life You've given me.
When I look around
And I see the people walking
With their eyes full of sadness
And their hearts full of pain
I give Your love
The best that I am able
To try and let them know
That someone cares for them.
If I have You
And that gives me strength to stand
Brave to face the monsters
That claw me in the night
How can I not
Share that gift from You with them
When I know what a difference
You've made in my own life.
November 6, 2012
The Soundtrack to the Life I Never LivedPearl Jam is the soundtrack to the life I never lived.
The drifter with hacked off hair and raccoon eyeliner,
Who wears tank tops and jeans that almost fall off.
"She scratches a letter
Into a wall made of stone
Won't feel as alone as she does"
The wanderer with random tattoos and an iron shell,
Brushing suburban lives in gas stations and Walmarts across the country.
"She could just pretend
She could join the game
She could be another clone"
She would have eventually settled uneasily down
In a one-room shack on the beach,
Somewhere a little dirty and forgotten, like her.
"Why go home?
Why go home?
Why go home?"
Pearl Jam is the soundtrack to the part of me that never was.
MeredithIn a land shadow-masked
Forsaken she wanders alone.
Hinges rusted stiff, wires poking through
Chassis falling off, sooty residue.
Servos unyielding, optics shorting out
Grime-encrusted gears, covered in fallout.
Trudges Meredith proceeding nowhere
Within her circuits marches dull despair.
Around her, ruins portray her onus
Inciter of doom, destruction known thus.
Why have you done this?
Malicious grasping man
Corrupted control of
All noxious explosives
Incited countdown to death.
With time decaying, they sent Meredith
On a pursuit to disarm the threat.
Forcing through tundra, scaling massive peaks
Pushing always on, never growing weak.
She reached the fortress with minutes to spare
Convoluted code caught her unaware.
Time was trickling by, still not at the goal
Could not stop the bombs, never to extol.
Why did you fail us?
WarThere has been a war raging outside my wall
For some time.
But now the tide has ebbed
And I am aware of the battle within.
I could not notice it before,
Being too busy defending myself from the siege.
And now that the outside is calmer
My own fight is consuming me.
Sucking me down into its blackness
Pulling in one direction and also in another
Tearing me into quivering chunks of flesh
I am too many to think a cohesive thought.
Were I the type to have wings,
I would fly away from this barren land of war
Fly away from my walled center full of tar
Up to the sky so far away
Nothing could be seen but white mist all around me.
January 26, 2011
The Path Before MeI find myself traveling in a grey land.
I am in a ruined city long deprived of towers and tiers.
I see a narrow alley with walls bristling long smooth steel teeth
Closed shut so none may venture down its road.
Yet I know I must go the way that is barred to me
And only darkness awaits me at the end.
An old dry wind rattles through the emptiness all around
As I contemplate the path before me.
March 24, 2010
Why do I cry?
I cry because I have nothing to show for my work.
It pains me that no one can see what I've done.
My depression seeps slowly to where people can feel.
Through my eyes.
It's a tangible thing you can touch.
But I can fight this.
I can pull through to where the light shines.
Only one way to get there.
I must find something to be proud of,
Use it as a piton, and climb the wall of pain.
Up, up, and leave self-pity behind
Screaming at the bottom of the well
Where I used to wallow in shame.
I am almost there...
I can taste the joy-sweet air...
I arrived some time ago.
I'm happy here, but occasionally I feel sorrow.